Merry Christmas! card
I was not able to get out this year to get holiday cards. That, and I am admittedly pretty bad about putting cards in to the post. For holiday season 2009, I decided to send an elegant, paperless card to some close friends and family. Not to diminish the card’s meaning to those close friends and family, but I thought it would be nice to share it here, too. http://bit.ly/Card2009
Happy holidays to all the readers, friends and family out there–new and old. I hope the holidays have been and will be wonderful for each and every one of you!
Year in Review
Every year in the middle of December, I do a year-in-review in my private blog, listing links to the previous years. And, every year, I review previous years. It gives me perspective on how I progress as a person, how my interests change and grow, and whether I accomplish the goals that I set for for myself.
Yes, I actually keep goals.
And, yes, I actually, intentionally accomplish a majority of them every year.
Most of the various questions themselves aren’t really all that interesting. Some of the good ones include:
- What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- What was your biggest failure?
- What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- What one thing made or would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- Name a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
- What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? (my fave!)
- Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Then, I list out goals for the next year.
Goals for 2010
- Start yoga teacher training
- Take at least one acrobatics/circus arts class
- Work toward career change or graduate program
- Submit a poem (or two) to be published
- Get muscles toned
- Try something new and daring (food, sport, activity)
- Make a new friend
- Send out a “thinking of you” card to at least five friends
- Expand my blogging horizons (topics)
- Join a group!
- Make at least one Random Act of Kindness toward someone unknown
- Take more photos (I took almost none in 2009!)
Also, I just deactivated my Facebook account. That’s probably the best decision I’ve made all year!
One of the struggles I’d found this year as I have worked to come to terms with my past and practice some greater self-awareness to improve my action is to really practice loving kindness in a holistic kind of way. I really do try to practice loving kindness, patience, understanding, acceptance, and respect. It gets difficult with muddled or negative, residual feelings that linger. In 2010, I would like to put all of my negative feelings aside and focus forward; to not cause hurt to someone; to shape all of my thoughts, action, speech with the intention of love, or at least respect. Person growth is such a challenge but can be worth it. I find that behaviors change when we believe in our ability to change, in our intent and practice them as rigorously as we can. I hope 2010 will be successful for me in this way.
What are your goals this year? What did you do in 2009 that you had never done before? (Mine: Become an acro-yoga flyer and base someone larger than me!) Reflect, then create your own lists and share!
City views
Recovery is going well. The cast came off a couple of days ago; I’m basically taking Advil for the pain, which is excellent. The pain goes down tremendously every day. Most of the pain lingers in the top of my foot over the arch at the (rather long) incision. Being on the sofa all day blows. To be honest, I’m beyond bored. J and I went on an excursion yesterday, and just getting down the stairs and back up them with the crutches exhausted me into a two-hour nap. ( <— not exaggerating)
It’s weird being on crutches. I can get around, and I’ve become creative about carrying pillows out to the living room and back to the bedroom at night. I can carrying a cup of coffee. I stuck a couple of bananas in my PJ bottom waist band this morning. I can push the cat food bin across the floor with one of the crutches. I haven’t attempted any cleaning, although I am having a friend over on Friday morning, so I should probably at least figure out how to wipe the bathroom down. It’s interesting. I’m still incredibly bored.
Stitches come out on the 23rd. I misunderstood the length of the recovery for this reconstructive surgery: I’m on crutches another 5 weeks and then in a boot-cast for a few weeks after that.
Anyway, I thought I’d post some terrific pictures of my view, since I stare at it for about 18 hours a day (haha).
Sunrise, 12/11/09 (dining room)
Sunrise close-up 12/11/09 (dining room)
Sunrise 12/11/09 (living room) - downtown + Mt Rainier in the distance
My neighbor’s house burned down on the inside about a month ago. You can see the guts in that dumpster in the right-hand corner of the window.
Every day, I feel grateful to live in a gorgeous city with mountains, lakes, and ocean close by; a fun, exciting neighborhood; and best of all, an amazing apartment with absolutely fantastic views.
I’d still like to move, eventually. We’ll see what happens in the next year.
Cast
I expected to be in pain after the surgery. I didn’t anticipate feeling ill, though I do. I’m going to do a brief update; apologies if this post sounds funky; I’ve been on pain narcotics when I can keep them down.
The surgery went well. The nurse gave me some valium before I saw the anesthesiologist to calm my nerves. I asked for a spinal anesthesia and fell asleep the moment I hit the OR. Felt like I was in there a couple minutes, but in reality it was two hours.
I don’t have an appetite much, and I’m throwing up the pain killer every once in a while, so I’v e been going solo most of today (with a little Advil). I’m in a cast from my toes to the knee. Keeping my leg raised and/or still. I do have crutches to help me get around, but I try to stay low most of the time; again, with the nausea. The doctor cut some bone out of the top of my arch, move the bones, and replaced the missing with criss-crossing screws, hoping that the bones fuse back together. Six months for a complete recovery with that part.
Jayme has been amazing. Along with being available for me 24 hours a day, he’s just had a great attitude and remained loving. He brought me magazines, chocolates, and a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.
I think that’s the basic update. Was it worth a post? Here’s a pic, my right foot:
One Moment
This is the first moment I have had all day to breathe. Unless you count the one-hour facial I had tonight, but she was tugging at a few milia (tiny, hard calcium deposits) and blackheads around my cheeks, forehead and chin;it wasn’t entirely calming. Though, it was nice. (My face is glowing, so it was worth the pain.)
I go in for surgery tomorrow morning. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30 AM for a 10 AM start. I’m incredibly nervous. Mostly, I’m apprehensive about being put under anesthesia, and I hate the idea of being cut into. I completely trust my surgeon; he is the best friend of a friend, and I feel very confident in his ability and attention. He has been really fantastic to work (and hang out socially) with. I can only plan for things so far, though–making sure I have food, the cats have what they need, etc. I have no idea what I will need tomorrow once I am home. I’ve already filled my prescription, grabbed a magazine and some advil. I’m sad to say that I didn’t make it to the bookstore. This week has been horrendously busy.
I will be off my feet completely for a week, followed by four weeks in crutches, four to six weeks in a boot cast, and I might be able to drive by mid-February so long as the bones fuse back together.
I just finished a late dinner, and I’m enjoying a glass of wine. Once I clean up a few minor things around my place, I get to shower with anti-bacterial solution (and again in the morning), put on clean pajamas and get into bed. I hope I sleep OK tonight.
Be rock and roll.
I wrote Love on my arm, for TWLOHA.com - depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide awareness
I’m not sure if I have mentioned this on my site yet, but I am on the Board of Directors for a licensed, non-profit mental health recovery and residential program located here in Seattle. I am a mental health recovery advocate and have experience working in a mentor/educator partnership role with youth in juvenile rehabilitation facilities (a.k.a. juvenile detention) that specialize in sex offenses and mental illnesses. Of course, like so many others, I have been touched by depression, addiction and suicide.
Today, November 13, is To Write Love On Her Arms day, which is an organization imagined to create hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.
If you know someone who has struggled in any of these or other areas, write Love on your arm and post a picture to your website, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, or just for your own awareness. And follow all your comments today with a ♥.
Igniting my fire
This morning, I was reading my most recent copy of Yoga Journal, and came across an interesting journaling exercise. It’s an exercise taught by Seane Corn, whom, if you’re familiar at all with modern yoga culture, is one of the leading, widely recognized and respected yoga teachers (and activists) in the nation. Follow these steps for making positive change in the world.
1. Write down two or three words that someone who loves you would use to describe you. Choose the qualities you think others appreciate about you (spunky, funny, quirky, loving, etc.).
2. Write the ways that you express those qualities in the world: Maybe it’s through cooking, teaching yoga, or knitting.
3. Write down your ideal vision of the world: Maybe it’s “I envision a world that’s free of violence” or “where everyone has organic food to eat” or “where people are open-minded.”
4. Put it all together into a single statement. Then, do it!
Here is mine.
1. passionate, kind, intelligent
2. writing, yoga, and creating awareness
3. I envision a world where everyone has a home.
I will use my intelligence, kindness, and passion, through writing, yoga and awareness, to create a world where everyone has a home.
Now, I need to come up with an action plan. :)
Every morning, I drink my coffee at the dining room table, which is at the corner windows off my kitchen. The view is amazing and panoramic from downtown Bellevue over to downtown Seattle and the Queen Anne neighborhood. I sit there every morning and enjoy my coffee and either read or write. This morning, I read an article on yoga and meditation programs for kids in the juvenie justice system. The first on this that I’ve read.
I haven’t talked a whole lot about my research or academic history on this site. While I was in school, I worked as an Educational Partner with young men in state juvenile behavioral rehabilitation institutions, Green Hill and Maple Lane Schools. It was both a heartbreaking and hopeful experience. The young men had varying levels of passions, interests and motivation; most of my work was helping them with school and preparing them for careers when they got “on the outside” again. As a student of mindful meditation and social justice at that time, I had heard about meditation practices in domestic and international prison systems and the positive results they have on inmates. For example, research has shown that recidivism (re-offending) rates go down with prison system programs that take advantage of meditation practices. But I’d only seen programs for adults. Seattle has a program like this, called Yoga Behind Bars, serving both youth and adults in the justice system. This is so, so exciting.
I’ve been toying with taking the 200-hour yoga teacher training. Ideally, I’d like to do some (or, all) pro-bono work with it when I complete, working with women and children of domestic abuse and/or lower-income individuals. Now, it looks like the opportunity would exist to teach voluntarily in the juvenile justice systems as well. This actually puts that fire under my ass to do something rather than just contemplate the training.
Acrobatic partner yoga starts up again on Monday nights. I’m looking very forward to it, especially because the studio is close to my house, and I won’t have to drive to the Hill on Friday nights to practice. I might talk to my instructor about the teacher training. I’d love it if she would mentor me.
I’m still setting my intentions to let the vikalpas go.
Giving it all you got
I know people want an update. The last few days have been hard, mostly trying to decipher ambiguous answers and I have not really known what to write.
Right now, I’m experiencing an early miscarriage. Started this morning, but I was expecting it. Midwife called and said they detected hCG, the pregnancy hormone, in my blood but it wasn’t enough. I was already three days late at that point.
I have a lot of feelings about this, and concerns, which I’ll share (along with the details) when I’m not typing from bed on my iPhone. Today will be a hard day. Luckily, three Netflix movies arrive at 9. I’m still waiting for the Tylenol I took at 6 a.m. to kick in.
p!nk?
It looks like I have a super very, very faint pink line. Seriously though, I’m not sure. I’m calling it inconclusive at this point, officially; I ain’t no boy who cried wolf, IYKWIM. It could be an evap or something. No more spotting. But, just not sure. My temp went up slightly again today. After a night of sleeping on the sofa, I woke up to the iPhone harps at 5:30, temped, and literally winced looking at the BBT thermometer.
I’m calling my chart triphasic, and I’ll be really juiced if I have a non-pregnant triphasic chart, y0s. Can happen, but so. uncool.
Srsly.
(I’d prefer no comments or phone calls [Mom, Bonnie, this means yous, too] at this point. Like I said, it could be a false alarm, but, I’m kinda excited and hoping it’s not.
*wince*
(*dontletmejinkmyself* *dontletmejinkmyself* *dontletmejinkmyself*)
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